talking to myself about relationship
Friend: kamusta? May girlfriend kana ba?
Me: ok lang ako.. busy sa work and some sidelines.. girlfriend? Wala pa hehehe
Friend: weh di nga? Pre since 2007 ka pa walang girlfriend… that’s 5 f*cking years man!
Me: wow ha sinusubaybayan mo buhay ko? Bilang ilang ung taon? HAHA! I’m happy naman so no sweat… as for me, having a relationship is not a need or a want.
Friend: di kaba nalulungkot? For the past 5years wala ka man niligawan?
Me: hmm let see, Hanne, Angel, Kate and Nica.. that’s it, those were the girl’s I tried courting but failed. Nalulungkot? Honestly, oo, minsan nalulungkot ako….I get jealous of seeing you guys with your girlfriends, having fun, going out, exploring and traveling. And I miss those times were you spend quality time with that one person. I guess di ko pa talaga nakikilala ung para saken. In God’s will and time.
Friend: ayan na naman yang religious stuff mo.. brad walang mangyayari sayo kung di ka gumagalaw… pumapalya kana ata eh.. atska dame mo crush, why not ligawan mo lahat! HAHAHA!
Me: well this is my faith. And ligawan ko lahat ng crush ko? Kalokohan.. una: walang budget, pangalawa: I’m just fooling myself. HAHAHA!
Friend: well, Masaya ka naman so let’s enjoy the night.
A typical conversation with a friend of mine; I didn’t even think that it’s almost five years since I had a serious relationship. Well it’s not a big deal with me because I knew some of my acquaintances who are single for almost 10++ years.
Honestly, I already saw a girl that I want to pursue. A girl that I respect and I admire. And I am serious with my “pagtingin” for her. It’s just; I feel that I’m still not yet prepare for a relationship. Maybe I am afraid of being rejected for the nth time though I always tell myself that I am always ready with rejection and I’m used to getting hurt.
As the song goes, “how can I love when I’m afraid to fall” and the falling part means feeling those pain and sorrow and at the same time feel the happiness and joy.
Again I’m on a verge of doing something at the same time having doubts about it. A make or break situation. Should I tell her that I like her o should I test the water first? I didn’t even thought that these words “having a relationship is not a need or a want” would come out of my mouth. As I contemplate on it “I NEED a relationship because I WANT to share a thousand years of my life with that girl”.
I guess I have to stop thinking and just go with the flow as I always do. This is me, my selfish part taking over. It’s not about me having hurt or me being happy. It’s about a girl who I NEED and WANT to be part of my life. It’s her decision to take not mine.
I NEED to concentrate not only on finding the right person but more important ON BECOMING the right person.
