crying….. again….
8am in the morning, 24hrs awake and I just got home. Was already struggling the whole night and morning, and as I entered our house, “your lola just died”, my dad said, and I don’t know how should I react, and I saw my mom’s eye watery I went to my room and cried.
Life really knows how to play you. I’m already depressed with all the truth that I heard and now with the news of the death of our beloved lola!?! THE FUCKING DAY GET’S BETTER!!!!
I will really miss her but I guess it is inevitable knowing that she fought Alzheimer disease for almost two years.
Earlier I said to myself that I won’t cry, but here I am crying like shit, letting go all the pain in the heart. Beside from my lola’s death, why is it I always end up with girls who are confused or who’s heart is already pre-occupied by someone else?
And I thought I already met and found someone to be the reason to be happy but my gut feels was never wrong. As she uttered these words “I like you but I don’t love you, yet, at hindi ko alam kung darating dun… i am hesitating to say this because alam mo kung ano ang nararamdaman ko kay <insert name>, kaya ang hirap sabihin sayo ito”. I don’t want to think anymore, I don’t want to live in a life that always asks “what if’s”.
A side of me is screaming “fight for her!” and another side of is shouting “let go”, and now I am really confused! I don’t know what to do anymore! It’s hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want!
I know in my mind and in my heart that I love her! But it seems life is making fun of me! History is repeating itself! I am confused, tired and already hurting.
To hell with my pride. Let it fall like rain, from my eyes. Tonight I wanna cry.
